a less than idyllic summer

a profound thank you to all of you who have written messages in the past weeks, wondering about my return and an apology for not answering. i didn’t expect to be away this long and for these reasons but life seems to have its own agenda despite our hopes and dreams.

almost immediately issues in our 6 unit condo building became very divisive, a longtime self governing cooperative community is now at a dangerous crossroads. a couple is moving out and asking for an unreasonable, irrational accommodation that long and short term has the potential to threaten our personal security and finances. the short story, several of us now have to resort to taking this issue to court, which to non litigious people like Scout and myself is just beyond belief. i have been utilizing my writing skills to try to break the stalemate, but to no avail.

and as of today, off went a several page synopsis to our lawyer.

and if that was the whole of the troubles it would be enough, but unfortunately that issue has taken a distant back seat to what we learned in a two day span. Scout’s favorite aunt who is our neighbor on the farm and who immediately welcomed my daughter and i into this new family, always had a gift for Cbear on holidays and treated her as a blood grandchild, aunt shirley has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. the following day after some routine tests for fatigue at the hospital, Scout’s dad was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer.

Bob, Scout’s dad is a very important, restorative person in my life and he and Sue, his wife have always treated me as a second son, and are the stable family i never had. i normally retreat when i have issues, i deal with them quietly and don’t make them public and writing this is very, very difficult….it makes it all too real.

we have been overwhelmed with the enormity of this news, of this new reality and i’m not sure how much more i can say right now.

Scout and i are taking alternate weekends traveling to Louisville to be there and help out, her mom needs us there as much as possible and that will be our schedule for the foreseeable future. our annual houseboat trip is coming up next week, Bob is bound and determined to make this trip, and we are equally determined to make it happen. i did some of my best writing on the trip last year, it has always been a very special place for us all.
.
.

night water stillness
.
.

the best time of day,

when I’m really awake is

when i hear the rest

.
.

of the world asleep.

and here on this lake tonight,

trees along this cove

.
.

are deep in their dreams.

the leaves whispered their good night’s

and vowed to rustle

.
.

again tomorrow,

when the lake breeze comes ashore.

do fish ever sleep?

.
.

i don’t hear them now

in this three a. m. quiet…

splashing the surface

.
.

filling their bellies

with bugs skimming the water.

they’ll be awake soon…

.
.

but at this moment

when the only sound I hear

are these words i write,

.
.

i count my blessings

and thank the universe for

night water stillness.

.
.
.
tomatoes, holly creek 007.

51 thoughts on “a less than idyllic summer

  1. Muddletation says:

    So sorry you to hear you and your family are going through this, you are in my thoughts.

  2. Darling Man…I have wondered how you have faired lately and am sorry to hear of your troubling times. We are adrift in an ocean of dastardly energy right now…so try to stay afloat with your own energy and balance. Keep cleansing and grounding each day and set your boundaries. I send positive vibes, Love and Light, and best wishes your way. Hang in there! Blessings!

    • i apologize for the delay MarDrag but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply,
      ‘We are adrift in an ocean of dastardly energy right now’, yes, this empath has been overwhelmed
      lately with the world. ty for the reminders and for your well wishes, i really appreciate it and you.

  3. First of all, it is so wonderful to have you show up in my reader again. Secondly, I am so sorry to hear of all that you are facing in this life right now. Good for you for not retreating. By writing this post, you will gain hope and prayers from others.
    Beautiful poem.”do fish ever sleep?” Do our minds ever rest? Hope that you can find some solitude and make some more memories on your houseboat trip. My thoughts are with you and your family.

    • i apologize for the delay Mishunderstood but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply, we are getting ready fior the boat trip and truly hope it will bring us all some good, ty so much for your thoughts and well wishes.

  4. peppahhh says:

    Aw, nuts…sometimes I wonder, “why does it have to go like this?” Life’s rough and seems intent on smoothing our edges. You and Scout will likely be most refined when you come out the other side of these hard challenges. Hang in there. You are cared for from near and far!

  5. Love you. Thank you for letting us all know that you are okay, in the broadest sense of the word. I’m sorry for what’s going on but grateful to know that you are working through things, as best you can. Hugs and love, brother mine. You are always in my thoughts. ❤

    • i apologize for the delay Sis but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply. Love you too and miss the daily chats here on WP but i am not in a good place, better i stay away. ty so much for always being there for me.

  6. Miranda Stone says:

    I was so excited to see a new post from you in my reader, but my heart aches for you and what you and your family are going through right now. Please know how much we all care, and we’ll be here if you need us, my friend.

    • i apologize for the delay Miranda but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply. yeah, i worried a little about the shock of the news but i didn’t know how to get around it. kinda’ how we felt i guess. ty so much for taking the time to offer such a heartfelt message, i really appreciate it.

  7. Oh, dear one, please know that you are and have been in my thoughts. I’ve missed your presence here and am grateful that you popped in to let us know what is going on with you. I am so sorry to hear all of this and wish there were some way I could lighten your load. Sending love and warm, healing thoughts to you and yours.

    As always,
    Melanie
    ((Hugs))

    • i apologize for the delay Melanie but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply and am just not in very good ‘rebound’ mode right now. just when you think it’s safe to rest, it isn’t. ty, you have been in my thoughts too and i really do wish we could collaborate on that poem right now, but i haven’t written anything since the last post and i’m not really sure when i will. ty Melanie, i’ll try better to keep in touch.

  8. rabirius says:

    I’m really sorry to hear your news.
    I wish you a lot of energy to get through everything!

    • i apologize for the delay Rabirius but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply and i’m just not in very good ‘rebound’ mode right now.
      ty so much for taking the time to offer such wonderful thoughts. i really appreciate it.

  9. Tiny says:

    I’m very sorry to learn about all the challenges facing you, Scout and your dear ones right now. Sending you warm thoughts for strength and light on your path going forward.

    • i apologize for the delay Tiny but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply and i’m just not in very good ‘rebound’ mode right now.
      ty for your well wishes Tiny, it means a great deal to me.

  10. bgbowers says:

    Finances and health – two of life’s biggest challenges. You’re in my thoughts and I hope that the finance challenge, at least, is resolved very soon so that you have time to focus on your loved one.
    A deep and moving poem.
    “Trees along this cove are deep in their dreams” 🙂

    • i apologize for the delay Christine but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply and i’m just not in very good ‘rebound’ mode right now. and yes you are so right, those are the most basic and difficult challenges, and we are getting the double dose i guess. ty for taking the time to leave such a wonderful message, it means a lot.

  11. I had wondered how you were and imagined an idyllic time down on the farm this summer – your news is shocking in triplicate – ‘who could know then’

    the ties that bind cut deep when they are loosened. Time is really of the essence – hoping you find many minutes of relief and stillness that writing brings and best wishes to you all

    • i apologize for the delay Laura but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply and i’m just not in very good ‘rebound’ mode right now.
      your incredible message makes me miss WP all that much more, ty so much Laura. you are treasured here.

  12. My heart goes out to Scout’s dad and Aunt and to you. Such sadness entering your lives now, combined with the financial situation. Your poem reflects your mood, the leaves, like you, will rustle in the morning, you just have to hope that no boughs break in the interim. Take care dear friend, you have been sorely missed and please if I or we can help, even with words, let me/us know. We are here for you and your family . Hugs xx

    • i apologize for the delay Jen but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply and i’m just not in very good ‘rebound’ mode right now. Jen, honestly, we’re still in shock and in zombie mode emotionally trying as best we can to keep thing light while continuing to get news that no one wants hear. i jeu don’t know what to say but ty, ty so much.

      i’ll try better to be in touch. Love and Hugs

  13. I’m so sorry to read of your troubles. You and they will be in my prayers.

    • i apologize for the delay scottishmomus but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply and i’m just not in very good ‘rebound’ mode right now. ty, ty so much for your thought and prayers.

  14. Mary says:

    Very sorry to read your news, it seems that life is moving at a speed that you don’t even have time to digest and full comprehend the magnitude. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for strength and fortitude as your begin to work through this challenge.

    • i apologize for the delay Mary but the news got worse as i was sitting down to reply and i’m just not in very good ‘rebound’ mode right now.
      honestly, it’s all too much too fully comprehend, that these 2 folks represent both sides of a family that has never had a trace of cancer.
      i don’t get it but i guess we’re not supposed to, that’s how life is.

      ty so much for your kind thoughts, i really appreciate them.

  15. Sky V says:

    I was away for awhile, so I came here to check you. I am so sorry to read these sad news. Stay brave, my friend! You are not forgotten.

  16. Happy Lifeaholic says:

    I’m sorry to hear that you and your family are going through such a difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you, wishing you strength and hope to get through this.

  17. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words says:

    I send thoughts to you and your family…
    I have been at a loss of words this year with 3 close to me passing, one of them, my sister Kay…so I have been slowly making an effort to put pen to paper and catch up here and there..
    I apologize for not stopping by sooner…life just keeps getting lost for me
    I send whispers of healing for you in moments of peace-filled quiet…
    Know you are being thought of….
    Take Care…you Matter…
    )0(
    BlessedBe
    maryrose

  18. stacilys says:

    Oh my, I am so sorry to hear of your heartache and what your family is suffering right now. I have been thinking about your lately, so I decided to enter your blog.
    On another note, I want to say that this poem is beautiful. An appreciation of the created, of silence, of tranquility. I especially like this:
    “trees along this cove
    are deep in their dreams.
    the leaves whispered their good night’s
    and vowed to rustle”
    I will pray for you and your family, my friend.
    🙂

  19. Hey there,
    I was eagerly awaiting your return and looking forward to reading your work again! But I’m sorry to hear of your present misfortunes, sending positivity and strength!!!

  20. Nomzi Kumalo says:

    Hello there 🙂 You alright? I hope that autumn is bringing you and your family comfort and peace. Have a sweet week. Kind regards, Nomzi.

  21. teardropsofink says:

    I’m so dreadfully glad you’re back. You’ve been sorely missed.

    My prayers are always with you and yours. 🙂

  22. smilingtoad says:

    I am so aggrieved in learning of this. My thoughts are definitely with you. The poem and photo are spectacular. I read the poem twice, so entranced in the beauty of the moment so well captured. Best wishes to you and to all those you love, with thoughts of hope, healing, peace and beauty,

    Autumn Jade

  23. kathyclem says:

    Beautiful poem. Wishing you and your family well. Kathy

  24. megdekorne says:

    ” night water stillness ” such beautiful poetry you write … Thankyou …xx

  25. Noora says:

    I didn’t expect to be away this long either… I’ve truly missed the wonderful WP community. I’m extremely sorry to read the heartbreaking news. I’m sending love and light to you and your family, my friend. Thinking of you.

    P.S. Night Water Stillness was extraordinarily beautiful …..

  26. Noora says:

    Just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you. You’re missed, my friend!

  27. just dropping a line in case you happen by… you are missed and thought of often

  28. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words says:

    whispers echo through the sacred wind
    speeds unknown that have no end
    stillness has grounding thoughts
    sometimes within we get lost
    we come for experience in this moment
    sometimes full of strife, sometimes content
    each serves a purpose as we wander
    are you okay I wonder
    know you’re in hearts and minds of many
    sending prayers and whispers,and heavens pennies
    Take Care…You Matter…
    )0(
    maryrose

  29. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words says:

    as I wandered in thoughts to pen for Earth Day, I thought of you and yours…
    Sending you Whispers upon the wind this eve and Hoping all is righting itself up for you in your world….
    Know you are missed….
    Take Care….You Matter….
    )0(
    BlessedBe
    maryrose

  30. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words says:

    Once again I felt the urge to wander within your world….
    sending wishes of peace-filled moments….
    I hope you are doing okay …I miss your thoughts into words….
    Take Care…Know you are thought of in Texas….You Matter, no matter where you wander these days…
    )0(
    maryrose

  31. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words says:

    its been a long time my Friend, I hope all is well within your world…
    tonight as it turns to Christmas morn, I wish you Peace ti fill your heart and Spirit, May you once again feel the Joy within your journey
    Merry Christmas to you and yours
    Take Care….You Matter…
    always….
    maryrose

  32. Chagall says:

    Hoping life is good. Years go by quickly – can’t believe your last post was 2014. Till we meet again. Best —CC

  33. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words says:

    entwined within yesterdays dust
    memories of love and trust
    clinging as invisible particles
    searching for the oracle
    thoughts hitch a ride on the wind
    wishing you peace I send
    too long you have been away
    hoping to see you again one day
    (soon)
    Take Care…You Matter
    Blessings
    maryrose

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