leap

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Show Me / The Pretenders
‘show me the meaning of the word
show me the meaning of the word
‘Cause I’ve heard so much about it
‘I don’t want to live without it
I don’t want to live without it’

for years my anthem, this poem was written to the tempo of this song
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leap
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clutching her hot coffee with both hands
wrapped around the styrofoam take out cup
trying as hard as she could to keep herself
warm against the autumn late afternoon chill
.

she’s standing in line like they once did
when their love was still all flaming hot
giddy like little kids at Christmas time
to hear their favorite punk rock band
.

she’s mouthing sad memories to no one
and when exactly did it all slow fade away?
the steam rising up through her hair
and that anger wailing in her belly
.

because she wants no more
.

of those rerun tv dinners
of his always sleepy couch
of those damn ‘I don’t knows’
of another weekend just wasted
.

because she’s so done with
.

trying to make him
remember why he loved her
trying so hard to make him
remember why her body was only his
.

a gentle hand cupped her sleeveless shoulder
and it shook her a little, so inviting and warm
yeah, those bright blue eyes totally understood
‘hey c’mon hun, let’s move up just a little bit’
.

she slithered through the crowd to reach the stage
it was always their favorite spot, when they first met
but these days the raging warmth of crushing bodies
writhing in unison…driving bass beat her steady lover
.

and now those bright blue eyes right next to hers
straining to figure out those wicked guitar riffs
her smallish fingers stretching, nearly make that leap
until now, an elusive chord just beyond her guitar’s reach
.

when that last song finally ended and every light gone dim
the sold out standing room only crowd erupted, hands raised
and in that hopeful darkness their hands met, fingers entwirled
adding their pleas to the encore chorus, ‘More….more….more….’

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miracle you

i should have…

i had no right to…

after so many starts and stops
an almost lifetime of yearning
but for some reason knowing
it shouldn’t all end like this

i should have…

i had no right to…

finding this wounded heart
forgetting how to beat
finding these shallow lungs
forgetting how to breath

and so close to walking alone
forever with my restless shadows
organs of life and love in dormant uncertainty
and losing all faith in their very reason to be

i should have just given up
i had no right to continue believing
.
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have i forgotten again to tell you how it
feels finally resting safely in your arms?
have i forgotten again like i do sometimes
to thank you… what a miracle you are?
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‘If you open your heart
You can make a new start
When your crumbling world falls apart

The miracle of love
Will take away your pain
When the miracle of love
Comes your way again’
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Annie Lennox, David Stuart, Eurythmics

eleventh summer

through all my troubled life
a scarred and imperfect heart
strumming a mournful reverb wail
into the stillness of my lonely nights
the numb and deafened ambilvalence
of this oft times heartless world

just looking for someone
to hold me tight
to love me right

and then somehow Through
all those crowded strangers
you appeared dressed in your
brightly expansive heart, yours
a birthright to love without fear
and mine to fear the love i need

and on our very first celebration
streaming every tear i never cried
i wrote Nil’s song on that mirror hidden
behind the blue hydrangea bouquet
i handpicked for you in our yard

then this shy boy did what he
thought he couldn’t until you

…what he thought he never would

holding you close in my arms and
swaying slow dancing to the rythym
of a song i wish only i had written

and whispering my love to …you
you, who could still love me for
everything i wasn’t and
everything i would never be

darlin’…

‘Today I’m thinkin’ about the world we live in
All the love and hate that’s floatin’ around
All the times I felt so lost and helpless
You stood by me, you never let me down

Still I keep throwin’ up these walls
Most of them I’ve built with stones
You tear ’em down and bridge the distance
Knowin’ we ain’t here to be alone

So let your blue heart open wide
Let’s never leave our dreams behind
It would comfort and restore my pride
If you let me be your valentine’

and now with these hopeful eyes we see
our eleventh summer on that warm horizon
and through every up and down
and every in and out
and even life or death

yes, we’re still here

‘Our differences are part of life
Still love will pass the test of time
I want you everyday and night
Girl, won’t you be my valentine?’

sure, the blue bouquet it faded
but the song all my truth remains
marked and always will on our mirror

and you’re still here

sharing

caring

forgiving

saving me time and again

…oh darlin’
my sweetest savior
my beautiful tomboy Scout

you know i’ll pick those hydrangea when they’re blue
and though your shy boy might have his own words now
could our song ever be written better than it was?
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‘Valentine’ Lyrics by Nils Lofgren, Bruce on harmony, Ringo on drums
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sad way

often in
vulnerable
moments

or any
random
millisecond

in
the
tiniest

stain

scent

syllable

spark

igniting its
p a i n f u l
memory

because

i hold so near
the echo of
e a c h

tear

i

ever

caused

…and regrets
and my searing
m e l a n c h o l y

but
if this
is the

story
of the
world

unfolded

why such
a sad way to
…finally reach

shore

home

find

love

y o u ?
.
.
.

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We only hurt the ones we love
Why we don’t need a reason
Gonna get all that you deserve
And all that you believe in

Beth Orton

fawn

whatever you fear, whatever you hide,
whatever you carry deep inside
there’s something more than this
October Project

on that late lit afternoon amidst the blaring horns sirens rolling steel and rubber of every constant rush hour this city only knows, he saw her now sitting folded into the corner of a familiar doorway the burgundy shroud resting deep into her knees that impossible smallness an almost prayer like silent plea her meditation wishing this world would disappear from view. and as he always did walking his young golden retriever Scout a dog so serene he’d never heard him make a single sound, the closer to this little person in a doorway by itself the bustling street echos ending another ambivalent big city day, and his concern alarm now heightened wondering why this any child was left so alone, his scan for parents but found none.

closer now and details unfold black ballet slippers to black anklet socks delicately edged tiny white lace frill slim cranberry pants, then that ankle bracelet! …. it’s chain spun so finely crafted not by our any human hands sun speaking to each tiny charm glistening. …and hesitant now not ever wanting to intrude, Scout answered his questions a gentle nose nudging her knee as all good dogs will,

‘oh im so sorry, he has to say hello to everyone’,

and the slowest of motions the shroud lifted its head as if in a slumber waking finally eyes to eyes nose to Scout’s nose her hands instinctively moving involuntarily they found his golden jowls, standing motionless accepting her slow fingers moving a golden fur caress, the shroud so deep he could not yet see her face. and in a ‘time will forever stand still moment’ forever be etched in his memory, the burgundy shroud slowly lifted falling back revealing her pale skin colored paler by the blazing embers of the extinguishing afternoon sun this deliberate ray reaching her darkened corner of the doorway,

his concern its own slow fade seeing her narrow face she was no child after all, and in human years twenty something but as in the swift glint of brown in her so grateful eyes raising to meet the sun… a whiteness then the infinity white of everything all knowing and all our kindness in every universe that ever lived, hers a timeless and slow smile reply,

‘yes…he does.’

he stood there letting this moment live as long as she wanted Scout turned to leave he followed and as so many of us his slow walk away was followed in doubt, a disbelief that this was not just a dream awake so double quickstepping around the block with Scout trailing. maybe to relive a moment that should not require repeating …….maybe to speak another word that didn’t need speaking, arriving as the sun had already fallen behind every building in its way the doorway now darkened and she was gone.

whatever you love, whatever you give,
whatever you think you need to live
there’s something more than this
.
.
.

c u r r e n t

i

walk

these

city streets
leaving

a

q u i e t

reply

in this
discordant
cavernous

world

…..and

……floating

….smooth

…in

my

c u r r e n t

hushed

scribbling

scattered

seed

here
and
there

m u s i c

at my

ear

sowing

d r e a m ing

hoping

an

echo

m e m o r y

return

of

b e a u t y

might

will

r e m a i n

r e m e m b e r

r e s i d e

where
there
was
none
.
.
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our old truck

‘conversation with you
was like a drug
it wasn’t your face
so much as it was your words’
Lucinda Williams

with light in my shadows
and cuts soft through my circles
you keep me from falling once again
but your words always did that for me

like that very first time
sitting in my old pick up truck
listening to Lucinda’s twang tell us
why we didn’t want that night to end

only you could convince
this shy boy to sing harmony
when it was your perfect voice
all i ever really wanted to hear

and my muraled furniture met
your folk art painted window panes
we got poor when greed burned the economy
chasing dreams i got crushed in its crossfire

‘We are not selling that truck!’
oh darlin’ you didn’t have to shout
everything i could ever hope to know about you
i would have heard your devotion in a whisper

and now our old truck
is getting some love in return
we shared these past ten years
and when she comes back
all painted blue and purrin’
wait for me again to turn the corner
from the side window like you did

and darlin’,
snuggle up against me
on that old bench seat
let’s listen to our song windows down
summer and hope blowing through our hair

talk to me like poetry
its essence of our love in your glance
and every word knows when to be
we can talk again ’til dawn
yeah, we can just drive all night long

reblogged to 20 Lines A Day

our brave Linda

dear friends this is a writing departure
but i hope by the end you will understand
why it had to be written…ty.
.
.

so what ever
happened to trust?

so what ever
happened to honesty?

so what ever
happened

to caring at all that
a little skin on skin
with someone else isn’t
really gonna’ fill that void?

darlin’
in these past ten years
just how many of your friends
have come to you crying?
yet another marriage up in flames

and now your bestie girlfriend Linda
and my own sympatico soul sister
her heart is now ripped inside out too
found he was cheating 4 of their 16 years

so what ever
happened to everlasting?

so what ever
happened to committment?

so what ever
happened

to caring at all that
a little skin on skin
with someone else just
causes such unbearable pain?

and we thought she was safe
their marriage passed the test of time
and we felt so shocked and helpless
you just listened…letting her cry and cry

and darlin’
you know i don’t get this mad very often
but this news just sucked out my breath
so i just had to put this upset somewhere
and writing poems…it’s how i show i care

look in her eyes

for you Linda
from me

from what souless depths does it begin
or can your smooth deceptions justify
breaking her, piece by piece?

and mouthing your nonchalant swift lies
as if her world was still everything she knew,
spinning on it’s easy axis.

did you really think a day would never come,
that day you could not look in her eyes
and tell her what you’ve done?

so yeah,
it was touch and go there for a while
with you coming home late after later nights
being that best friend forever that i know so well

and sometimes it just all works out the way it should

so darlin’,
our brave Linda she slowly found her footing
maybe even sooner than she believed she could
and nailing a framed copy of her poem to the wall
nonchalantly showing that now ex husband to the door
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both Linda and Scout, my partner are singers and this song
speaks about the power of music. if you feel like a second read,
please play the song and pick up the tempo the poem was written to.
.

maybe

maybe…

my melancholy

a well so endlessly deep

i wore its pain on my sleeve,

blaming innocents

for sins they

never did

commit.

maybe…

it wasn’t this

world hurling its every

fury in my direction after all.

maybe…

i learned

to finally accept my

person i so often loathed.

and

maybe

just maybe…

the unconditional love

in your eyes opened mine to

deserving what i feared all my life.
.

and maybe i thanked the universe with all its

myriad moving parts for extending its gentle hand

touching a wounded heart in such a random act of kindness.

reblogged to 20 Lines A Day

mirror

a
world
between us
poetry spanning
the virtual distance,
and hearing your doubt,
feeling each tentative recoil.

and
mirror,
your words
do not dance on
such fragile trust here.

and always speak your heart
and believe it knows your truth.
and i suspect we will tell each other,
what our mirror needs telling ourselves.

submitted to 20 Lines A Day