in the wings

a repost for my new friends from July 9, 2013,
and a special ty to my friend Cindy Knoke, an
incredible photographer for always rummaging
in my archives.
a great big hug to my daughter on her 14th birthday
for sharing this song which inspired this story/poem.
please feel free to listen to it as a soundtrack.

in the wings

they seemed to meet, quite by accident
but something in their eyes, told them otherwise
this wouldn’t be their first conversation
but.. it always felt like it could be the last

like a patient, who knows their time is near
with so many faces yet to see
and…confessions to make
and…sunsets to end

their now daily talks lasted for hours
even after they left that little cafe
feverishly texting on the bus back home
sometimes…through the hush of their night

they would talk of paintings, songs and poetry
any silly thing, as long as there was a reply
the hold on each other, so tenuous
an undertow…
the pull of fear as real
he not so accidently, brushed her hand on the table
she instinctively recoiled, placing it on her lap
she apologized quickly, she was sorry
but regretted showing him so much

his practiced stoic reaction, said little
this time his heart, tried valiantly to follow
‘but isn’t that how it always goes?’
setting a few more bricks in the wall

he was a little braver than she was
or maybe his clock, was just ticking faster than hers
he said the words, that they both feared
and knew it was wrong…
the moment he spoke
two hearts… waiting in the wings
for love to speak and heal their pain
all the words… they shared between them
could not help them say goodbye

eleventh summer

through all my troubled life
a scarred and imperfect heart
strumming a mournful reverb wail
into the stillness of my lonely nights
the numb and deafened ambilvalence
of this oft times heartless world

just looking for someone
to hold me tight
to love me right

and then somehow Through
all those crowded strangers
you appeared dressed in your
brightly expansive heart, yours
a birthright to love without fear
and mine to fear the love i need

and on our very first celebration
streaming every tear i never cried
i wrote Nil’s song on that mirror hidden
behind the blue hydrangea bouquet
i handpicked for you in our yard

then this shy boy did what he
thought he couldn’t until you

…what he thought he never would

holding you close in my arms and
swaying slow dancing to the rythym
of a song i wish only i had written

and whispering my love to …you
you, who could still love me for
everything i wasn’t and
everything i would never be


‘Today I’m thinkin’ about the world we live in
All the love and hate that’s floatin’ around
All the times I felt so lost and helpless
You stood by me, you never let me down

Still I keep throwin’ up these walls
Most of them I’ve built with stones
You tear ’em down and bridge the distance
Knowin’ we ain’t here to be alone

So let your blue heart open wide
Let’s never leave our dreams behind
It would comfort and restore my pride
If you let me be your valentine’

and now with these hopeful eyes we see
our eleventh summer on that warm horizon
and through every up and down
and every in and out
and even life or death

yes, we’re still here

‘Our differences are part of life
Still love will pass the test of time
I want you everyday and night
Girl, won’t you be my valentine?’

sure, the blue bouquet it faded
but the song all my truth remains
marked and always will on our mirror

and you’re still here




saving me time and again

…oh darlin’
my sweetest savior
my beautiful tomboy Scout

you know i’ll pick those hydrangea when they’re blue
and though your shy boy might have his own words now
could our song ever be written better than it was?
‘Valentine’ Lyrics by Nils Lofgren, Bruce on harmony, Ringo on drums



my melancholy

a well so endlessly deep

i wore its pain on my sleeve,

blaming innocents

for sins they

never did



it wasn’t this

world hurling its every

fury in my direction after all.


i learned

to finally accept my

person i so often loathed.



just maybe…

the unconditional love

in your eyes opened mine to

deserving what i feared all my life.

and maybe i thanked the universe with all its

myriad moving parts for extending its gentle hand

touching a wounded heart in such a random act of kindness.

reblogged to 20 Lines A Day


in this my life,
in unscripted moments
in some random milisecond
in every wound this world delivered
in my deliberate fear of poetry and love.

your love
presents itself,
not in random miliseconds
but in its encompassing eternity.
loving not by choice but your devotion.

and i
know that…now

and it frightens me.
and now my choice to make,
and be everything i’ve never been
and stay everywhere i’ve never remained.


written May 2013
submitted to 20 Lines A Day