underneath below…Haiku/ Tanka

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i have known more pain

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than i can hope to forget,

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yet…i look skyward.
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these eyes collect joy,
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like a jewel thief stealing

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moments where i can.
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when the moonlit skies
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reflect more darkness than light,
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i hide behind clouds.
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this melancholy…
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it lays shallow in my lungs,
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waiting to exhale.
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battered and lonely,
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you found me once on the shore…
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but i crash in waves…
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underneath below
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the undertow i create
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in amniotic
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silence i know all too well,
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a slave to the familiar.
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tell me… stars have life,

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find me… whenever i hide.

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underneath…

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below.
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in the wings

a repost for my new friends from July 9, 2013,
and a special ty to my friend Cindy Knoke, an
incredible photographer for always rummaging
in my archives.
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a great big hug to my daughter on her 14th birthday
for sharing this song which inspired this story/poem.
please feel free to listen to it as a soundtrack.
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in the wings
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they seemed to meet, quite by accident
but something in their eyes, told them otherwise
this wouldn’t be their first conversation
but.. it always felt like it could be the last

like a patient, who knows their time is near
with so many faces yet to see
and…confessions to make
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and…sunsets to end
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their now daily talks lasted for hours
even after they left that little cafe
feverishly texting on the bus back home
sometimes…through the hush of their night

they would talk of paintings, songs and poetry
any silly thing, as long as there was a reply
the hold on each other, so tenuous
an undertow…
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the pull of fear as real
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he not so accidently, brushed her hand on the table
she instinctively recoiled, placing it on her lap
she apologized quickly, she was sorry
but regretted showing him so much

his practiced stoic reaction, said little
this time his heart, tried valiantly to follow
‘but isn’t that how it always goes?’
setting a few more bricks in the wall

he was a little braver than she was
or maybe his clock, was just ticking faster than hers
he said the words, that they both feared
and knew it was wrong…
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the moment he spoke
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two hearts… waiting in the wings
for love to speak and heal their pain
all the words… they shared between them
could not help them say goodbye
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over the wall

dear friends, i found a song and video that
inspired this poem. the words are written to the
tempo of the song and if you have the time,
please watch this incredible video.
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Stubborn Love/ The Lumineers
It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all
The opposite of love’s indifference
So keep your head up, keep your love
Keep your head up, my love
Keep your head up, keep your love
Head up, love
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over the wall
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i saw a smile today…

shining from a stranger’s face

and bundled from the bitter cold

it leapt over the wall

to meet me eye to eye
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i woke a girl today…

and kissed her pale forehead

as i did on that night she was born

tears just poured over the wall

at the miracle in my arms
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i drew a face today…

trusting these hands again to say

what my eyes have always known

climbing over the wall
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’cause fear is the enemy of art
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i risked it all again…
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and shared all the secrets
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of my troubled life
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her patient Love tore down the wall
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to heal an injured heart
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now i won’t pretend to know

why this life can be so hard sometimes

and this world will bruise our tender hearts
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because i am just the sum of all my pain

the kind that can never really be repaired

i just learned to wear the scars beneath my skin
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i saw the sun today

so bright through the clouds

even the greying slush did

sparkle and gleam across my boots

and i… just keep walkin’ on
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my earthly Angel

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and how could it be…
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hearing only her laughter, singing
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the melody of my every dashed Hope, raining
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down in sparks and chords
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from soaring skies so high above my broken life,
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swirling past faceless strangers
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in anonymous rooms. if
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there were other voices to hear that night
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these ears never heard them, and if
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there were other eyes to see,
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mine never met them. and if
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there is a steady hand
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coloring summer days from despair, the
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perfect cosmic hand was dealt us that night,
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a royal flush of Kings and Queens,
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of hearts and diamonds,
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of fateful serendipitous
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milliseconds
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between the lost..
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or found.
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to Scout, my earth Angel
Happy 13th Valentine’s Day
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approx, 8″ x 10*’ on vellum paper
pencil, watercolor pencil, white marker
sourced from a b & w selfie of Scout
and my imagination. click to enlarge.

between day and mystery…..Haiku / Tanka

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a most beautiful song to read by
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between day and mystery
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could it really be…
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these arms spent so many years
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not holding you near,
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without breathing in
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the scent of love in your voice
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when you’re close to me?
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how long did i wish…
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that every cloud would spell
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your name in the sky,
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a heavenly trail
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i would follow faithfully.
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in each dream i dreamt…
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tumbling through galaxies…
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search imploding stars for
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any trace of you.
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how these fingers grieved,
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without the soft curves of your
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body next to me.
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tossing and turning as each
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day morphed into loveless night.
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awake….without you…
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living in the void between
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day…. and mystery.
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Monday Haiku: i almost lost H o p e

to her….
will be random posting
of Haiku devoted to
Scout, my partner
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i almost lost. H o p e.
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i almost lost H o p e,

from all the beginnings… from

such tragic endings.
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of trying so hard

to find. L o v e. where there wasn’t,

of tears shed alone,
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another year gone….

of doubt there was someone there

waiting… and waiting…
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i just wanted. L o v e…

in a life spent untethered,

rootless… adrift… and
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without .F a m i l y.

spinning my lonely circles,’

’round and ’round and ’round…
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why was it so hard?

had i become… L o v e ‘s. misfit,

would that be my fate?
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it’s doubt that i knew,

why would this wounded heart ask

again for… more pain?
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i almost… lost. H o p e,

i nearly lost sight that we

are… meant to be loved.
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i almost lost faith

that… Y o u .would ever be found.
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i couldn’t give up,
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and i’ll tell you why…

i heard my .H e a r t. whispering,
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it told me… try… try.

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Multiple Love
I still believe in love at first sight.
A skip of your heart and a flicker of light.
So maybe there’s two and maybe it’s you.
But I don’t go quietly into the blue, ‘cos

I am happy alone.
I am happy alone, and I don’t
Need another half if I am whole
But maybe, persuade me,
And I’ll do the best that I can
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ty Tiffany Coffman, a special poet
for the music share, this beautiful
song inspired this poem and
was written to its tempo
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each new day……Haiku

i carry less weight

than i did twelve years ago,

i shed my burdens.
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i am younger now

than i was twelve years ago,

i found my child’s heart.
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i see tomorrow…

without fear because i met

you… twelve years ago.
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and together we

shine brighter with each new day,

rising like the sun!
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to her…..she’s always smiling

to her….
will be random posting
of Haiku devoted to
Scout, my partner
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she’s always smiling.
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her heart is joyful…
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if fun is hiding somewhere,
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she’ll always find it.
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these old shoes……Haiku

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to read by
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these old shoes
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these old shoes of mine…

walked the twisting, painful path

that has marked this life.

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my innocence lost…

psyche and body so bruised,

i ran at fourteen.

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and these old shoes stood

steadfast and true…. with me in

my loneliest hours.

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i can’t let them die…

stitching them back together,

again… and… again.

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i don’t yearn for much…

these days….. my miracles are

the moments i’m in.

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my needs are simple,

f a m i l y…. is my fashion.
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‘shoes, just get me…..h o m e’

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for my sister Melanie,
ty for your courage.

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the improbability of us

this is the first in
a series of three poems
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Amsterdam
‘Kinda thought
I was a mystery
and then I thought
I wasn’t meant to be’
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and how could it be…

that seeing your dark luxurient hair
shiny in the overhead light as it swished
and shimmered in rhythm to the warmest laughter
this pained heart needed to hear
and a voice only angels own

that seeing you
across the crowded room
through every invisible stranger
as if nothing else in this world could matter
but circling around from my dark corner to see your face

and why did…

the universe intercede on our behalf?
shepharding our two lonely souls to this room
this purposeful accident of us both
being at that Sunday night party
we had no plans to attend

’cause darlin’…

i had lost all hope by then
because each glint and glimmer
every sparkled facet of hope i once had
this jeweled hope i kept tucked in my heart’s pocket
the foolish dream that someday…

somewhere…someone…
some how would be there
waiting only for me to find her
and somedays the hope that kept me barely breathing
could not remind this heart any reason to exist

and there you were
holding court standing your ground
as if you belonged every place you stood
little joy creating laughter everywhere you are
everything i wasn’t or could ever be

and darlin’

i can tell you now i was
dulling this troubled heart that night
but the searing ripples criss crossing my chest
once these eyes locked in on yours
that slice of infinity gaze that shook me alive again

and i knew right then
i would have to be everything i wasn’t
and me pleading with the host who i didn’t know
nodding in the direction of your unmistakeable aura
‘please, sober me up. i have someone very important to talk to’
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and when my

painted furniture finally met your artwork window panes
this huge apartment you lived in with Lexie your Buddha Dane
when all the shelves were filled with our collectons
i had to ask why you lived in a space you could never fully furnish

’cause i thought if i ever met someone, he could just move in’

as if it was as rational as breathing
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Your time will come
if you wait for it,
if you wait for it
It’s hard, believe me…
I’ve tried
Your time will come
if you wait for it,
if you wait for it
It’s hard, believe me…
I’ve tried
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