a song, video and words to explain my silence in December.
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the too familiar turns and bends…
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and statue still are the trees standing sentry tall
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astride this white and weary Winter road,
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my incessant journey of so many dreary and crippling seasons
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recalling the somber memories etched decades deep
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in gnarled bark and devoted wood.
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how the infinite canopy arches in graceful bows,
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laden branches kneel in gratitude to the peaceful sleep of snow.
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i follow the trailing in frail voices of family i’ve lost,
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of those i long to remember
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swirling in the sliver of pause between
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this world and another.
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there is no hesitation in
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passing through the Gate of Melancholia,
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i wrap my solitude close in December’s silent shroud.
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disowning my voice in sequestered quiet honoring memories now,
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turning ever inward bowing in divine gratitude to those who
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found me alone along this snowy road.
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could it really be…
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these arms spent so many years
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not holding you near,
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without breathing in
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the scent of love in your voice
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when you’re close to me?
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how long did i wish…
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that every cloud would spell
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your name in the sky,
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a heavenly trail
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i would follow faithfully.
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in each dream i dreamt…
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tumbling through galaxies…
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search imploding stars for
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any trace of you.
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how these fingers grieved,
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without the soft curves of your
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body next to me.
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tossing and turning as each
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day morphed into loveless night.
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awake….without you…
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living in the void between
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day…. and mystery.
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. ‘There is a light inside you
To shine if you choose it to
There is a light inside you
To light up the world for you
Light up the world with you
As only you can do’.
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oh wounded heart, and how many years
have we walked this journey you and i
the dead ends and aborted beginnings
just how many understandings have
been set aside for yet another day?
only i know your tragedy and depth of despair
because i was there with you every painful day
deflecting the blows hoping i could protect you
covering these ears not to hear words slice so deep
oh wounded heart,
please hear the words i have found for you
forgiveness, love, acceptance and healing
hear them because the bruises they all faded
it’s the words you heard and the cuts remained
these clouds and shadows you live in
the dark and silence where you reside
there is a parting, an unmistakeable stirring
is it the light you’re drawn to or the words you hear?
because i swear
by everything holy in this world or the next
no hurt will ever again reach your gentle shore
and if the ferocity of my sword somehow misses its mark
this man will stand before you, accept the blows, every one
because the days of this silence and this fear are done
so let us swipe away those darkening shades
and open all the windows each and every one
this ambivalent world has missed your tender voice
it’s time to speak in steady words of love and light
my wounded child, this world is nothing to fear
because i have found ears that will listen
because i have found arms that will hold you
because i have found words spoken waiting to heal
here, take my hand and hold it tight
let’s take these first tentative steps
together, side by each other’s side
believing in each other along the way
sing your sweet lullaby’s of love and light
and i will unfurl this banner of innocence
because ours is only a righteous cause
a flourishing, protected and fearless child
my little boy, this world is nothing to fear
as long as we are always loving and caring
and always together, side by each other’s side
and always believing in ourselves along the way
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‘ There is love inside you
To love you if you choose to
There is a love inside you
To love the world and you
Love the world and you
As only you can do. Light of You
Emer Kenny
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who could know then 