the improbability of us

this is the first in
a series of three poems
.
.
,

Amsterdam
‘Kinda thought
I was a mystery
and then I thought
I wasn’t meant to be’
.
.
.
.
and how could it be…

that seeing your dark luxurient hair
shiny in the overhead light as it swished
and shimmered in rhythm to the warmest laughter
this pained heart needed to hear
and a voice only angels own

that seeing you
across the crowded room
through every invisible stranger
as if nothing else in this world could matter
but circling around from my dark corner to see your face

and why did…

the universe intercede on our behalf?
shepharding our two lonely souls to this room
this purposeful accident of us both
being at that Sunday night party
we had no plans to attend

’cause darlin’…

i had lost all hope by then
because each glint and glimmer
every sparkled facet of hope i once had
this jeweled hope i kept tucked in my heart’s pocket
the foolish dream that someday…

somewhere…someone…
some how would be there
waiting only for me to find her
and somedays the hope that kept me barely breathing
could not remind this heart any reason to exist

and there you were
holding court standing your ground
as if you belonged every place you stood
little joy creating laughter everywhere you are
everything i wasn’t or could ever be

and darlin’

i can tell you now i was
dulling this troubled heart that night
but the searing ripples criss crossing my chest
once these eyes locked in on yours
that slice of infinity gaze that shook me alive again

and i knew right then
i would have to be everything i wasn’t
and me pleading with the host who i didn’t know
nodding in the direction of your unmistakeable aura
‘please, sober me up. i have someone very important to talk to’
.
.
.
.
and when my

painted furniture finally met your artwork window panes
this huge apartment you lived in with Lexie your Buddha Dane
when all the shelves were filled with our collectons
i had to ask why you lived in a space you could never fully furnish

’cause i thought if i ever met someone, he could just move in’

as if it was as rational as breathing
.
.
.
.
.
Your time will come
if you wait for it,
if you wait for it
It’s hard, believe me…
I’ve tried
Your time will come
if you wait for it,
if you wait for it
It’s hard, believe me…
I’ve tried
.

31 thoughts on “the improbability of us

  1. Chagall says:

    I look forward to the remainder of the triptych. —–Chagall

  2. i’m very sorry.your second comment last night didn’t appear on the likes page.i only noticed it on the page itself today & answered you, but you probably didn’t get the answer since i didn’t get yours.

    • hi errin, oh you don’t have to apologize for something WP did, it seems to do that all the time lately. i guess i just expect it now but i am over on your blog as we speak, so i’ll go take a look. and thanks so much for finding ‘bracelet’, i haven’t thought about that poem in a while.

      • yes it is the fault of WP.usually blaming my computer every day for something;not today….i have to find bracelet again.
        this poem is unbelieveable,especially this part i have always thought all of my life that someday someone would find me.

      • hhmm…i doubt it’s your computer errin, WP is very ‘jinky’, one week everything will be fine and the next i get no notifications of any replies. i really appreciate that you let me know, ty.

        errin, i don’t know why i believed like i did for so long, i really had no reason to. my heart was broken a lot, i should have given up totally, but i didn’t. so i guess i was rewarded finally…

  3. i really want to blame WP. i will blame them for making me read at 75% because the send button will not appear at 100% .lol….but it’s a combination of computer,WP & the wireless goes off sometimes every 5 minutes & i type very slowly…that’s wonderful. i gave up in 1999, but i still think someone will find me,inside the house,which is silly & improbable.lol

  4. as if nothing else in this world could matter
    but circling around from my dark corner to see your face

    and aren’t you glad you did
    tenderly written as usual my friend (hugs)

  5. This is great, I love it, so much… everything – emotion, imagery, flow, style.

    • well thank you so much Sreejit and a very warm welcome to you.

      there are maybe 50 poems here that i’ve written to Scout, my partner, and i have to confess writing about her is so easy, the words just spill out of my heart so effortlessly…she is an incredible woman and i never tire writing about her, us, our life…this series has the promise to be a little special though, a surprise even for me.

      thank you for your wonderful comment Sreejit, you put a smile in my heart this morning.

  6. Liana says:

    this is so good and hopeful to read that I wonder if it’ll be here when I come back to your blog…maybe I’m not even awake right now…

    • …oh, i promise it will be here when you return Liana, and a warm welcome to you this morning….our story provides so much poetic inspiration for me, so many unlikely details that even today keep me shaking my head in wonder.

      ..thank you so much for reading so many of my poems, the encouragement means so much. *smiling*

  7. wow, from the desperation of want, exasperation of hope barely handing on to the dream visited by reality..so beautiful in your expression..so many wonderful lines, ‘thru invisible strangers’, jeweled hope tucked away in my heart’s pocket’ searing ripples criss crossing my chest’ loved this poem

    • oh thank you paintswithwords and a warm welcome to you.

      what is that old saying?, ‘it’s darkest just before the dawn’. that’s how this story of ours unfolded for me, especially. i was 47, and in broken pieces after an awful, damaging marriage. and yes, for the first time i had really lost that shining hope, and then that night happened and here we are almost 12 years later….

      i have to tell you i love your screen and blog name, a former painter myself, painting with words is precisely how ii feels when i write. my words color better than my paint ever could…

  8. Chess says:

    A beautiful picture painted in words.

  9. lotttie says:

    I think great loves are improbable, they begin organically and grow like some kind of creature.. Your words ring so true, I can almost feel it as you describe it. Nicely done. The tune is a catchy one :)

    • ..thank you Lottie and a vrry warm wekcome to you.

      .. ..and if you can feel what i’ve tried to express, thrre is no higher praise you could offer this writer, ty…we are together almost 12 years now, and even now are discovering a newness about our relationship..so yes, this beautiful ‘creature’ of us is alive and well!

  10. Lovely and flowing. I felt the truth in your words.

    • ty Melanie, for clicking the link, it means a lot to me that you did.
      the serendipity that flows through our relationship, is a constant and
      deep well of poetic inspiration. that night, that miracle night was the
      stuff dreams are made of, the love at first sight miracle that i will
      no doubt write about again.

  11. I just came back to read this again and i have to comment on some specifics..

    “dark luxurient hair…swished and shimmered in rhythm to the warmest laughter”

    “seeing you
    across the crowded room
    through every invisible stranger”

    these lines are so beautiful they make my soul ache.

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